Four Day’s Past and Nothing to Report
The baby was due on Sunday, today is Thursday and there is still nothing to report. Everyone is getting antsy. The calls to the office from family member wanting to know if it is happening are jangling my nerves. Nights are restless, with every movement from dog, cat, or Sara initiating an emergency call to my body to see “is this it”. So far, nope, it was just Rio being irritated about late night cat movements. Or Sara making a trip to the bathroom. Its fine, since I wasn’t really sleeping that well anyway. Those startle moments give me time to for panicked reflection. What if? What if? How will we? And on and on, until I settle uneasy and await the next noise. I can’t wait for the baby to come so then I’ll have a good excuse for sleeplessness. Sara sleeps with ear plugs, which allows her to sleep through the thunderstorm of my snoring, but I cannot. Ear plugs hurt my ears, especially if they are in for too long (overnight for example). Luckily Sara’s snoring isn’t nearly as bad, and is never the cause of a sleepless night for me. Unluckily, everyone I know keeps telling me to get lots of sleep now, because when the baby comes you’ll be up all night. Well, good, at least I’ll have a reason.
Sleepless nights are nothing new for me. Having an active brain is a good thing except when it comes time to turn off the conscious side and let the subconscious have a its time. I tried counting, but that just left me board, rather than sleepy. What I’ve developed over the course of my life is a number of thought exercises that slow and shut my brain down. Usually the problem is that I am stuck on a real/concrete problem or situation and it keeps playing over and over in my head, like an endless look of worry. To break the cycle I think of complicated but far-fetched things. Commonly I think through what I would do if I won the lottery. Not a little jackpot, but one of those giant Powerballs. But here is the kicker, I don’t think about what I would purchase – toys or car or magical electronics, I about how to spend it to help others. I think about how to set up a research foundation that gives grants to underfunded students who have awesome ideas. I think about how to set up a research station in the Amazon from which I could sponsor and conduct cool projects. I think about setting up an ecotourism business and all the awesome trip I would lead and places we could go. I think about supporting those who supported me though some sort of grant or endowment or some other thing. It gets really complicated, but the nice thing is, that it takes my mind away from reality. I also like to design fantastical houses, with streams and aquarium tunnels built into the structure, what kind of fish I would keep and how I would maintain it all. I think about complex DIY projects, which someday I hope to complete. For me this is a meditative process. Complex thinking to reduce the stress of complex thinking. The problem is that it only works so many times a night, and if I get interrupted it isn’t really the same as meditation, where you can focus right through, I find myself just wide awake and back thinking about the reality of the world. That is OK if it happens once a night, but when it happens two or three times a night and then the dog wants to get up at 530 because it is light outside and you can’t sleep before 11PM because that is just the way you biological clock is wired. You get this. A ramble. A longwinded, winding story about nothing.
So the baby is coming and soon. And then all this little things that are antagonizing my sleep will give way to the wailing elbow macaroni. I can’t wait for that day, I hope she comes soon. I leu of pictures of me sleeping I’ve added a few random fun pictures to confuse anyone who doesn’t read the whole blog.