With just twelve days till July 20th things could happen any day now. For me that mean restless nights thinking about all the things that could and could not occur, planning and thinking about all the things that need to be done still. For Sara luckily nights are still for sleeping. I’m sure this will flip-flop once the baby arrives, and slowly balance out as we can share more of the feeding duty. I was thinking about having a little celebration tonight, as I did my first load of baby clothes for my baby. I learned to do laundry somewhere around the time of my sister’s birth so I did do a few loads then, but we won’t count the begrudging efforts of a twelve year old. So our first load a clothes and blankets and swaddlers and other clothing types I’m sure have names but I have yet to learn. Luckily baby clothes are small and a single load does a lot of clothes. Unlike my wash were if I put in three pairs of jeans the washer gets out of balance and the dryer struggles to do its’ job. So baby clothes are washed and I’ve got a hospital bag already in the car. Just a few last minute details to work out. I think everything is well in hand, until it isn’t. I haven’t really been worried or too anxious, other than thinking about what need to be done. I’ve been thinking about plans and stuff and equipment and clothes, but what has been weird is that I haven’t thought about being a parent. I haven’t worried about how to hold the baby or how to be a dad. I’ve steadfastly refused to read any parenting books. I feel I simultaneously know and have no idea what to do. But in either case I’m not worried. What is the point is being scared. The future is coming and in less than 22 days (our doctor said she would only let us go about 10 days post due date). Once she arrives it is just time to do, to be. That is some very Yoda thinking, but as hypotheticals fade into the reality that is what must happen. I must be a parent, this baby is ours. I must be a father because that is the role I have chosen. I must be a husband, because the person I love most need love and support. I will do everything in my power to keep my family safe and healthy. Those be’s and do’s aren’t yet too well defined, but soon they will appear. I’m sure I’ll make mistakes and missteps and miscues, but who hasn’t. But I installed the car seat and set up the pack n play where the baby will sleep, I painted the room, where we will all sleep (at least at first). And I did the laundry.
I fully realize that this is a very self-centered post, but then again it is my blog. What I want anyone to read this to note is that while I’m describing my thoughts and hopes for the coming babe, it is Sara who is doing the heavy lifting. She is carrying the baby and thinking about what clothes the baby need to wear (it is my job to wash them). This is a team effort, but right now the effort is kind of lopsided. Sara is both literally and figuratively carrying our team. I just tell funny stories about my life.